As I stroll around a mountain village, I regret the person I never was. I always pictured myself as someone who was a little off kilter, drawn toward a simpler life and a bit renegade in my way of doing things or living. I regret the fact that I haven’t lived that way, truly.
Sure I recycle as much as I can, but I still buy the silly things in the packages that need to be recycled. Sure I homeschool, but I don’t take advantage of every opportunity for learning, especially the simple small ones that would be a natural outcome. I tend to latch on to the big ones that inspire a lecture instead of small statements of fact and insight. Yup, I try to buy local, but I’m continents away from the 100 mile diet. And yes, we did drive a “Jesus” van for a few years, but truth be told, I was a little embarrassed about it being parked in front of our house.
I don’t have dreadlocks, have never pierced anything and my Birkenstock have long been donated. So as I stumble into these fabulous coffee shops and bookstores where the customers linger over art or discussions in their fisherman’s sweaters that hold cable knit stories of their lives, I feel a bit fake; like I don’t belong, yet I’m trying to fit in. Guess it’s the age old struggle of humans. Wanting to fit, but not sure if I’ve quite made it.
I walk through another part of the village where wine and cheese tents are set up for tasting and buying. I hear conversations of “oaky, deeper, clairvoyant, smokey” and I go, “huh”? It kinda makes me feel like an idiot; as though I deeply know nothing. I know I like ice wine from Germany and Asiago from Costco but the descriptions fail me. To me they are just yummy.
As much as I feel a bit out of it, I am enjoying our mountain experience. I love hearing the guys talk about their day, seeing their smiling, yet sweaty, muddy faces. I love the cool air, the green, soft grass, the friendly people, the lovely little condo we found. I even enjoy cooking the meals with whatever the SAFEWAY (yes, I’m excited about safeway, though still too expensive, it’s a safeway) store in town inspires. I love the dry air, though the hands and lips need lotion and I’m experiencing static cling again. It’s crisp, and clean, and smells of the mountain. The sky is brilliant against the green and grey of the elevated 12,000 feet. The flowers are exploding everywhere. It’s a lovely place, so much like our Rockies. I’m so thankful to be here.
I know I wasn’t meant to be like someone else. God made me me, and though I can admire others who are more like I want to be, I am thankful for the place I am at and definitely thankful for the people I am with; for the place we have come from, for the place we are going to, for the many people that God has given us to learn from and enjoy from Alaska to Texas and all the homes in between.
If I was a elephant, I’d thank you Lord for my fine trunk,
if I was a fuzzy, wuzzy bear, I’d thank you Lord for my fuzzy, wuzzy hair,
and if I was a crocodile, I’d thank you Lord for my wide smile,
but I just thank you Lord for makin’ me me.
For you gave me a heart and you gave me a smile.
You gave me Jesus and you made me your child.
So I just thank you Lord for makin’ me me.
Perhaps it’s that simple. An attitude of gratitude instead of regret. For if I did live another way, I wouldn’t have lived, or be living, this way. And, oh God, I am so thankful for what you’ve given me in this way of my life.