Last night I handed a little grey box to Dwayne and asked him to do me a favor. He said, “but what if you say no”. I told him he didn’t have to ask me, just to put it on my finger. He opened the box and slid my engagement ring back where it belonged. It is so beautiful.
One year ago as I began packing our boxes to move to Abilene, I kept catching my diamond on the sides of the boxes and I was a bit afraid I would wreck it, so I packed it in my jewelery box along with my 40 birthday locket with pictures of my 3 favorite people in the world. Yesterday, I unpacked them and they now rest in their intended place.
I don’t care to wear much jewelery. I like it on others, but I’ve only wanted three jewelery items my whole life: an engagement/wedding ring if I was to be married, a locket to carry the pics of loved ones and a pearl necklace. I’m still waiting on the last one I have missed this sparkle on my hand. It marks the beginning of our adventure together as a couple. My nervous revelation that he had asked and I had said yes and my 31 year old life was about to change. A man like him and a girl like me loved each other. He’s the only one who I ever really trusted to stay when he saw the real me.
I have a favorite quote:
“Love is not blind. That’s the last thing it is. Love is bound; and the more it is bound, the less it is blind.” Chesterton.
I don’t know the history behind the words, but to me they are so true. Dwayne and I have been married for 17 1/2 years and though we’ve often disagreed, hurt each other, struggled with understanding and frustration, I never for once doubted his commitment to our oneness. I always wanted him to see me as adorable, lovely and fascinating. You know how long that lasted…didn’t even make it to the altar before he knew better.
As time and experience are added to our relationship, I know that the love and commitment has bound us tighter together more each year and he sees me more clearly every day. He is not blind, but I wouldn’t want him be towards my fussiness, anxiety and anger. As much as I’d like to be seen as perfection in his eyes, what a lot of fakiness I would need to live.
As I type this, I see my rings. They hug me a bit tighter than 17 1/2 years ago, but they are a symbol of the covenant we made. One which I would say yes to if he ever felt the need to ask me again. I am bound to this man in love.