It's About Learning

Unmeet expectations as opportunities for growth

Dwayne Harapnuik — March 28, 2014 — Leave a comment

Every once in a while we get insights or previews into the type of character that our children are developing.

My boys spent the other day with friends riding the Down Hill race course and other trails near Roberts Creek on the Sunshine Coast in BC. They have both watched many Costal Crew videos and read stories about the trail building and the possibility of a lift operated bike park being build in the area so they had relatively high expectations for the area and their experience. When I asked both boys how their day was they both said they had a great time and enjoyed the riding. The also relayed their humorous crash stories and talked about the highlights of the day.

When I asked them what they thought of the Sunshine Coast as a riding destination, their responses revealed a level of maturity that made me proud. Levi stated that his expectations for the area were too high and that other than going back for the race next month and perhaps checking out the bike park runs he probably wouldn’t spend the time and money going back. Despite his expectations not being met, he was very glad that he went and had a chance to see the race course and is working on a strategy to prepare for the race. In general he thinks the Sunshine Cost area is a fun place to ride but it really wasn’t steep, technical and challenging enough.

Similarly, Caleb’s expectations for the area were also much higher but he also had a good day of riding. He commented on the old growth forest that was amazing to see and smell and despite the lack of steep elevation he found that there were enough jumps and stunts to keep him entertained. He really like the way dirt felt and packed and it was great to not have to deal with as many rocks and roots as you have to deal with in most other locations. Like his brother, Caleb was also glad to get a preview of the race course and recognized that he will have to work hard on getting ready for the 60 second peddling sprint at the top of the course. Both boys realized just how flat several sections of the race course were and just how much sprinting/peddling they will have to do to place or win.

Despite not having their expectations met at the Sunshine Coast both boys still had a wonderful time and easily listed several very positive aspects of this riding location. Rather than allow the disappointment of unmet expectations cloud their day they made the best of the location and appreciated it for what it had to offer. They chose to make the most of the day and took advantage of the positive and unique aspects of the location.

It is my hope that the lessons that they learn on these types of riding days will transfer to other parts of their life. I know from personal experience if I am not careful just how easy it is for me to drop into a foul mood when I have to deal with unmet expectations. It is also my hope that these opportunities to deal with unmet expectations in a positive way will contribute to building my boys character.

In Intentional Parent dissapointment, expectations

How to Know Your Life Purpose in 5 Minutes: Adam Leipzig

Dwayne Harapnuik — March 26, 2014 — Leave a comment

To figure out your life’s purpose you need to honestly answer the following 5 questions:

Who are you?
What do you do?
Who do you do it for?
What do those people want and need?
How do they change as a result?

In Video - Wednesday Watchlist life, purpose

How to prevent the stress of a move from killing you

Dwayne Harapnuik — March 24, 2014 — Leave a comment

We all have heard that moving can be as stressful as death in the family, divorce or other major life changing event. Considering the number of times we have moved in the past several years we have heard this from many different people. When you review the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale listed on the cliving.org site and tally up the factors that go into a move like: business readjustment, change in financial state, change to a different line of work, change of responsibilities at work, change of living conditions, change in residence, leaving friendships and support networks, and so on you will see that a move can tally up very high on the scale. Therefore, it is crucial to do what ever one can to reduce or limit the stress level of a move. Perhaps one of the most effective ways to do this is to remember WHY you are moving in the first place and make sure that you don’t loose site of this key factor.

Well, we are moving once again. This time we are moving from the house sitting arrangement that we had in North Vancouver to our rental house. We had our container of personal possessions that we hadn’t see for the past 9 months delivered and with the help of friends we unloaded the contents in a couple of hours. This is always the easiest part of the move and the hard and stressful part of moving is unpacking and setting up the house and garage.

So far this move has been less stressful than others primarily because we are working hard to remember why we are here in North Vancouver—which is to give our boys the opportunity improve their downhill racing skills and eventually turn professional. With this “why” in mind we have managed to lessen the stress on the boys and us significantly. Keeping our focus in mind has also helped us make what has turned out to be several wise decisions. We took possession of the new rental home early so that we could take time to get bedrooms and the kitchen set up to the point where we could live. The extra time will also allow us to go back to the house were just living at and clean up at a pace that will ensure that we limit the stress and still do a good job. Another wise move had more to do with serendipity then it did with planning.

As soon as I knew when we would get possession of the house I started searching for a trampoline and managed to located one that we picked up and set up the second day of the move. The couple of hours we spent which included driving out to the site, disassembling the trampoline and then returning and re-assemble the trampoline have contributed so significantly to our boys positive attitude. Instead of having the boys slog through unpacking we let them spend a couple of hours practicing their tail whips, tables, bar spins and all the other tricks that they are working to add to their repertoire of biking stunts. Not only are they getting a wonderful workout on the trampoline they are working together, encouraging each other and are having fun during the move. When they come back in to do work they perform at a higher and more efficient level; there really has been no time lost.

In addition to allowing the boys to take long breaks on the trampoline, we have also been shuttling the boys up and down Cyprus mountain so that they get in their riding time. I have to be honest that I would much rather buckle down and get everything unpacked and get the shop and the house set up but we did come out to North Vancouver so that the boys could work on their riding skills. Levi and Caleb has been weight training, road biking and unlike most teenage boys, have started eliminating junk food from their diets and have been learning how to eat for performance. When you factor in their home education high school studies they are very busy and already living in a stressful state preparing for the up coming race season. Therefore, when the weather is clear and they get a phone call from a friend who wants to ride in the afternoon we not only say yes but either Marilyn or I will shuttle the boys and their friends up the mountain. It is a matter of priorities.

Finally, when you consider that the boxes have sat in the container for the past 9 months—sitting a couple more hours or days in the house or garage before they get unpacked isn’t going to make that much difference. YES, this state of disorder is driving Marilyn and I nuts and if we let it, the stress can build. But when you get a thumbs up from your son as you watch him do tricks on the trampoline or when the boys and their friends ride up to the truck dripping in sweat and mud and pull off their helmets to reveal huge grins of satisfaction and you hear them laugh and talk about the great ride down you know you are doing the right thing.

Therefore, the best way to deal with the stress of moving is to simply remember why you have made the move and keep the bigger more important goals in mind.

In Intentional Parent planning, stress

We are judged by our unspoken Words

Dwayne Harapnuik — March 21, 2014 — Leave a comment

http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2014/03/two-ways-to-listen.html

Seth’s Blog: Two ways to listen via kwout

I subscribe to Seth Godin’s blog and Simon Sinek’s Blog which includes a subscription to Sinek’s Notes to Inspire and as a result I receive a regular email from both of these thought leaders that offers either a short quote or statement that is inspiring and motivating. In addition I have read several of Godin’s books and have recently read Sinek’s book Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action and am about to start reading his latest book Leaders Eat Last: Why Some Teams Pull Together and Others Don’t and am continually impressed with these thinkers insights. After receiving these daily posts for the last couple of years I appreciate their ability to continually put out such helpful information.

I also realize that you don’t need to write novels, short stories or even paragraphs to get your ideas across: sometimes the most powerful thoughts and ideas are stated in a just a few sentences. So this morning when I read Godin’s post Two ways to listen, I realized that we may all have the ability to be as insightful.

You can listen to what people say, sure.

But you will be far more effective if you listen to what people do.

Godin, 2014

The two ways post resonated with me because I have been saying something very similar for the past 20 plus years. Consider and compare Godin’s statement to the following:

A man is not judged by his spoken word but by his unspoken word.

Harapnuik, 1993

After doing a quick google search I learned that these words are unique to me, Dwayne Harapnuik. Obviously the idea is not unique but the words and the way they are put together to convey the meaning are unique.

I have come to two realizations. First, I often like a saying, quote or an idea because it either corresponds or reinforces one of my own ideas. Second and perhaps even more important–I have some good ideas and insights that I should be sharing.

We don’t need to be a best selling author to have something important to say and to share–we just need to be focused and passionate and our ideas can help others. Furthermore, the biggest difference with between most of us who have these good ideas and thought leaders or best selling authors is that until we put those ideas out there we won’t have the opportunity to become a thought leader or a best selling author.

In Motivation action, wisdom